Chapter One

I wanted to kiss her, but she turned her face away. She said she wasn’t interested. She said she had other fish to fry. ‘What kind of fish?’ I asked. She smiled knowingly. ‘You do talk a lot of crap,’ she said.

We were on our way to rent a movie. Everybody we knew ordered movies online, but we liked to think we were different. Actually, I just happen to be tight, and the thought of paying a monthly fee when you never know if you’ll actually take advantage of what’s on offer makes me queasy. It’s why I don’t have a gym membership. Plus with a gym membership, your body improves. And then you have to keep working out to keep it that way, otherwise it goes worse than before. I’d rather keep the status quo. Flab is fine, as long as it’s unchanging.

Anyway, we were walking to the rental place where getting an overnight dvd is actually more expensive than renting online, which pretty much negates everything I’ve just said, at least regarding money and movies, but what the hell, I was feeling magnanimous, and anyway, I was counting on her paying. I like being magnanimous with Lucinda’s money. It makes up for the fact she won’t sleep with me.

‘The kind of fish that people are referring to when they say there are other fish in the sea,’ she explained.

My mind had wandered, calculating dvd rental costs and thinking up an excuse for not paying. I had to think a moment about what she was saying.

‘But you don’t need other fish. To fry or otherwise. You have me,’ I tried. I

t was pathetic enough that it just might work. Plus if she felt bad enough she’d definitely pay. And maybe suggest we take the bus back in case I was feeling particularly despondent and weak. And put it all on her oyster card even though it’s kind of illegal. I haven’t taken my oyster out of my top desk drawer since I first got it: the ten pound top-up is intact. I’m good like that.

‘You can be so sad sometimes, Stan, you know that?’ Sad. Almost as good as pathetic. ‘I’m thinking big fish, here. Oh, fuck – ’ We were outside the film shop. She stopped abruptly, patting her jacket pockets, then fumbled inside her handbag. ‘I’ve forgotten my wallet. You got cash?’

I felt my heart drop.